February 14, 2015

What is the secret of true love?

[Click HERE for the Dutch version / Klik HIER voor de Nederlandse versie]

First a preliminary note: While writing this 'love blog' I noticed that there is really a whole, whole lot to tell about love (also in combination with Tarot), so I also  wrote a follow-up article to this 'love blog'.

Now, let's talk about love!

What is the secret of true love?

Why that question?

Well, quite simple.
Because we all want to experience love.
Because love makes us happy.
Therefore that question.

Now let’s find an answer...

The Osho Zen Tarot card ‘The Lovers’, nr. VI (6) from the Major Arcana of the Osho Zen Tarot, certainly can help us finding an answer.

For what a powerful and lively card this is!
There's plenty to discover in it...

Love, love, love

First, something general.
In fact, we cannot get enough of 'love'. Count the number of lyrics, books and the like, in which the subject 'love' is the main theme.

Want him to pop the question?
Or look in a weekly magazine. Or watch a movie. 
All kinds of complications around the theme of 'love' are dealt with.

We find it yummy!
Together we go for love, love, love...

Love, love, love
Back to the title of this blog ‘What’s the secret of true love?’
In other words:
‘What do I need to know to make sure that I can experience true love?’

The big secret of ‘The Lovers’

How true love can be expressed in an image we can see on the card ‘The Lovers’, nr. VI (6) from the Major Arcana of the Osho Zen Tarot.

Literally, the word Arcana means 'secrets'.
Each Major Arcana card essentially is a BIG SECRETS CARD, a card with hidden meanings.

Hidden meanings
Sounds mysterious, don’t you think?

By the way, I really can imagine something mysterious in the card 'The Lovers'. Just see that enigmatic look between the two.

And look at the rather vague image in the big heart in which they embrace and kiss each other intensely. It is drawn in such a vague way, as if we are not allowed to see that.
So, quite mysterious.

And did you see the wings attached to the heart?
Rather 'dubious' actually.

Rather 'dubious'
And there are more special things to be found on the 'The Lovers' card.

All in all, I think it's an intriguing card (apart from my 'hallelujah' feeling of the picture itself).

Tarot cards of 'The Lovers' from other Tarot decks show each in its own way the life lesson of this Major Arcana card.
Very nice to see, I think.

6 different versions of 'The Lovers' Tarot card

Being in love is temporary

Maybe you 'bumped' at Mister X / Miss Y not so very long ago (exciting though!).

Being in love
Are you madly in love with this person?
Is there (already) sincere love between the two of you?

Between being in love and sincere love is a real difference.

Being in love is temporary.
Sincere love is lasting.
Butterflies in your belly
Being in love gives a feeling as if you have butterflies in your belly. Your thoughts are only occupied with him/her. Being in love is an experience that goes along with the (transient) feeling that you cannot live without the other person.

Mostly this is a feeling of which you have the idea that it has happened to you, or has afflicted you (a hit from the arrow of Cupid).

Normally, this feeling of being in love disappears eventually.

Sincere love is lasting

Maybe you already have a relationship for some time.
Do you feel that you love your partner?
Do you feel that your partner loves you?

Love gives a warm affection and a compassionate feeling towards the other person. Real love is an experience that goes with the (permanent) feeling that you do not want to live without the other.

Mostly this is a feeling that gives you the idea that the love only can grow further (at least from yourself to the other, because naturally you have no control over feelings of another person).

Usually, this feeling of love is of long duration.

'Warm' affection

Recipe for true love

What exactly are the ingredients of the recipe for true love? If we know them, at least we are coming further.

If love is...
First I would like to share with you the following vision about true love.

We can speak of true love:
- If love is a warm-hearted gift to each other,
- If love is not only a shortcoming that needs to be filled,
- If love is not only sexual desire,
- If love is not only the dependence of a needy person,
- If love wants to give, without expecting anything in return therefor.

In itself a beautiful insight. Possibly some sort of base to go on with?

True love into practice: do’s and don’t’s

But just beautiful insights are not enough to be able to cope with our daily love life.

How does true love look like in practice?
What exactly are the do's and don't's in a love relationship?

Let me try to figure out:
-set little conditions (you don’t need to change the other person)
-equivalence ("We choose to be together, not out of necessity or 'poverty', but out of love")
-fully confidence in each other (you know from each other that you both are open and honest)
-depth in your communication (exchange of what really is on your mind)

Laughing together
-laughing together a lot (laughing removes the sharp edges)
-experiencing sex as 'crown' on your relationship (not just want to be with him/her for sex)
-two-way appreciation for each other ("I love you as you are")
-accepting that your loved one is not perfect (so he/she does not irritate you, because you forgive and forget the little "flaws")

These are probably only part of a large list, undoubtedly there are more of these things that really matter in a love relationship.

These do's and don'ts are not naturally embedded in our behaviour (unfortunately…).
So both partners may regularly ask themselves if they still do their best.

That really does not 'hurt'...

"Nothing happens by itself," my mother always said, and that could very well be true.


~The greatest gift that you can give to others
is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance~ 

(Brian Tracy)

Click here for a link to a song by Haddaway called "What is love?” released in 1993. This song used to be music on which I danced a lot in earlier days!

Click here if you want to see an interesting lecture (ca. 24 min.) given by Helen Fisher (anthropologist) about love, and what it does to your brain. 

Helen Fisher, anthropologist
[Click HERE for the Dutch version of this article / Klik HIER voor de Nederlandse versie van dit artikel]

Please, take a look at my Tarot website:
Hart voor Tarot (in Dutch)

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